HEY MOM! (10/24)
Wow Stressful week full of amazing experiences. This week I was able to get through my last week alone without having another companion. President was telling me the whole change that I was going to train in the upcoming change while being a zone leader. I was on top of everything trying to prepare the rooms and getting all the things I needed, writing contracts and going to get things legalized. I almost jumped on a bus to go get a document from a really small town a few hours away. super stressful week. I was called rude by three different people who almost did not make it to their bus because I was pushing them out. INSANE WEEK!!! but its over my new companion is another Argentinian. His name is Elder Velasquez every has great comments for him
This week was a good tough week. The work was a little slow. We found a lot of new people and were rejected a lot too. We had a fun time teaching a fairly stubborn family. I hope that the lord will answer there prayers and soften their hearts. When we got back there were lots of missionaries who needed things done, people waiting for us to remove the furniture out of their house. Today I became overwhelmed and was thrown into a down warding spiral of doubt, frustration, and feeling inept. I get to the point where I do not know what to do. Do I do the things that the missionaries need, or do I do something that would help me unstress. I cannot sit still knowing that other missionaries are not well because they do not have money and need reimbursements. Is there a moment where I just say I cant do it anymore and stop answering the phone calls. Maybe I am just overthinking everything. I feel bad because today it is taking a toll on my companion to see me in such an oblivious state. I feel bad but at times I do not know how to react and rather than getting angry its just easier to literally let everything go mentally.
What is it that you do when you cannot feel like you can complete all the things you have to do?
Some of the sacrifices that I want to make for this week in November are...
1. Smile all the time. I guess you could take this as maintaining a positive state of mind even when passing through difficulties.
My companion and I went to one of the ward activities and as we walked into the activity we could both feel the spirit slowly dwindling away. After sitting through the most uncomfortable 45 minutes of my mission we left the activity. As we silently walked up the road from the church I talked with my companion. I asked him if he could feel the spirit in the activity and he told me that he did not feel it at all. It was a strange feeling of emptiness that I have yet been able to shake. I worry a lot about the Esperanza Ward. La Florida is doing great we have been finding new investigators asking for references and receiving new work. This upcoming month will be a fruitful month.
I hope that I can shake this feeling of doubt and inability.
After Five minutes of sitting and almost crying in a public internet cafe president gave me a call. He just gave me a pep talk and helped boost my mood. God answers our prayers!
I love you. I want you to know that in the hardest times of my mission and the hardest times of my life I have always depended on the testimony of you and Dad. I know that the promise of alma is true. In alma 37:16-17 we learn the importance of being obedient. If we are obedient nothing in hell or on earth can take away the blessings of the lord. I know that this is true not because I have participated it first hand but I have seen the blessings that my parents have received. In the mission I have seen Elders go home because they doubt. I know that God lives and He loves each and everyone of us. It is the first truth of the gospel. There is no way that out of two hundred letters to president he read mine out of chance and new that he had to call me. I Know god has a divine path for each and everyone of us. Sometimes we need to do hard things with him to be able to help others. I love you Mom. Thank you for your testimony always!